Khushi

The last few days...

Sun, 27 Dec 2009 17:09:39 GMT

My Christmas was good this time...as we were doing productive work this time...we were planning abt how to renovate our kitchen n turn it into a modular one...which reqd lots of thinking n discussion...n finally in the evening we went to the showroom..n were discussing abt how to transform it .

Last 2 days..i was given the responsibility of home...cuz my mom had to go out both the days...though she cooked half of the things n did whtever she cud in the time she had.

But personally i didnt enjoy these 2 days...though i cud do things as n how i want..i cud decide myself on any matter without any restrictions...It felt like a burden..a headache, an irritation.

There's a lot of difference..in helping out willingly... n having do things all on ur own.

I always liked staying at home.. n i thought i wud enjoy all of this...but in 2 days.. i am feeling its suffocating.

Having holidays in university till the next monday...but have tuitions as usual..i hope to study n do all my pending work...its already 1 week n i havent done much...lets hope for the best.

Always left out

Wed, 16 Dec 2009 18:30:48 GMT

yes..be it with my age , my elders , my youngers , my tuition , my college , my university , my relatives ...i am left out everytime....i just cant do that ha ha hi hi with all or with even 1....i dont know it just doesnt happen....n i am left alone.

the past week...

Sun, 13 Dec 2009 18:35:02 GMT

This week in my university was the most boring one...cuz out of 5 of us in the bench ..i was just left alone..with everyone absenting for some or the other reason....i felt so auckward..though i had more space to myself, my bag n my helmet...but still i needed the presence of someone of my kind to b next to me...of late..one girl is such which i find sensible enough...in some cases r frequency matches...so i was missing her through out the week.

This week i had my cousin's marriage n all those functions...of late i have realized i cant just mix around with any sort of people...be it relatives or friends .. am never comfortable with anyone except for my parents n sister...in a group i wud always remain heterogeneous n out of the group...with some experience in practical field .. i hope to improve on my this weakness.

In the marketing class sir said this n it really had some deep impact on me n it led me to think over it ' all that glitters is not gold , but until u glitter, ur not sold '...looking good is not a bad thing at all ! ...looking good is not abt expensive things...its about carrying urself in a comfortable way....n this is where i lack too...i seriously think it high time to improve some of these things...how ? until i know that.. i am helpless.

One more area where i badly need to improve is my handwriting of late i am getting irritated by my bad handwriting to a great extent.

I had one exam today..the exam center was quite away from my home...it was in an area where i have hardly gone twice or thrice...so suddenly today morning my sis says she wud accompany me... n i get irritated ...n shout n create scene...n finally go by my own self...disturbing the harmony of my home.

The new place was quite interesting.. i didnt face any difficulty reaching it....it was inside a park...i heard so many different sounds of the birds...but the main thing my exam wasnt good...no expectations from it.

Strange sort of feelings

Sun, 06 Dec 2009 17:35:29 GMT

Today, a couple had come to our home for the first time (they are relative of our some relative), but i dont know i have got some strange feelings .. i didnt know whtever they r good , y they had come ...seems they had some purpose in mind ...may b i am used to thinking too much negative abt everyone n everything..so am i feeling so ....but somewhere down .. i didnt really think they were truly genuine.

Recently , in my marketing class...sir had said some salemen wud use the tactic n say that ur neighbour has bought this ..so u shld also buy it...same happened today some donation people had come n they said our neighbour bought this n that...n i turned them away... n later came to know my neighbours had also not bought it !! I can say No...:-)

Completed my responsibility of certificates.

Wed, 02 Dec 2009 13:38:13 GMT

I was given the responsibility of certificates which cud not b completed yesterday during the program..was completed today my me n a sir. Sir gave me a momento for remembering this whole function .

NSS Program

Tue, 01 Dec 2009 13:37:13 GMT

Finally today was the program...state felicitation n World Aid's Day celebration...i had to leave my tuition half way n miss all my classes today for this program ...n now i am too tired...my experience of today...was like ok....i liked the importance i got ...it was lil hectic....but at the end of the day am happy ...cuz i didnt have to go in the rally !!

Me

Fri, 27 Nov 2009 16:57:12 GMT

I cry when i see those news of terror attacks even after a year n i dance when a marriage procession passes by my building ...i get too carried away with the emotions n sentiments...be it positive or negative. Positive ones give me so much of peace from within ..n negative ones put me into deep thoughts n affect my normal routine.

26/11 reminder

Fri, 27 Nov 2009 16:54:17 GMT

Yesterday night, i saw the documentary on 26/11 on star plus...the way it covered all the different places which were attacked...n the way they showed it....i was crying .. i felt so helpless ...i didnt have any of my relative out there ...n i am feeling so hurted by all of it... i cant imagine what r those people feeling who have lost their own dear ones...God give them strength..give them the patience..so they can come out of this situation.

Thank you God ...for immediately listening to my request.

Fri, 27 Nov 2009 16:25:08 GMT

Thanks a lot God for having saved me from the press conference ! cuz all were sirs n males...i was the only girl.. i wud have felt to auckward with such sort of atmosphere...n riding my scooty to that area ..wud also be lil difficult for me...so thank u God ...I love u God.

I dont know what happen to sir... n he suddenly said i didnt not attend the conference....it happen so quickly ...wow ...great.

First ride on scooty from home to CU..thanks to God ..it was amazing.

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 16:36:11 GMT

thank u God so much...for making my ride to CU so nice n safe...thanks a lot.

Mouse..today we located one mouse in the home...we put a plastic box over it n put some weight so it doesnt run away..i can see thru the plastic box... n see it making attempts to come out of it...its so helpless...am feeling bad abt it..we r separating it from its rest of the mates ( cuz after having caught this one...we saw another one as well in the home..which was shocking )...am sorry lil mouse..forgive us...wish u get together with ur rest ones ...somewhere soon but not at our home..plz.

A mixed experience

Mon, 23 Nov 2009 17:46:26 GMT

Today...had an NSS meeting....it went ok as usual....one important thing to mention was...when the sir said that every volunteer has to come n report to me.....i was like amazed ....he puts me on too high...i dont know what wud b the outcome of it...but ya...am happy to hear that n i wud try my best to respect his words n hopes abt me.

After the meeting...me n one maam had to stay back ..cuz we wud have to accompany two sirs to visit a press sports club...to fix a press conference....so that was a new experience..a new place..new people.

I was with maam as she was new n i am new too...but later as soon as her place came she just got down without bothering abt me...i found it strange...cuz i didnt leave her even though we just passed by a road which connects to my home...cuz i knew she wud not b comfortable alone with those sirs.

After i reached home...she called up ..if i had reached properly.

I had a bagun chop....which i dont eat...n i drank tea from bhar which i have never done.

I have mixed feeling it was nice as well as not so nice.

Tired,,,very tired.

Thu, 12 Nov 2009 12:17:36 GMT

Am getting too tired too weak ...no energy left in me even to lift my hand after coming back from university....am i falling sick ? I hope not...n i wish i have lots of energy to do all my things on time.

A miracle did happen ! Thanks to God..i love u God

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 16:11:41 GMT

Last night..there was some sound of something falling .. n when my mom picked it up..it was my mobile..it got stuck in sofa...so finally i get my mobile back ...am like too happy...thanks to God...i have realized how much u care...thanks a lot.

Had an NSS meeting at Bethune college...where i was the only student representing among all the teachers n principals...felt so proud of being a part of it.. n getting so much respect from everyone... i hope i can do my best in this field.

Where did my mobile go ?

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 13:56:21 GMT

I lost my mobile...where how when i dont know....thts how silly i can b.
On sunday afternoon i went out.. n on monday noon i realize i cant find my mobile...i dont rem seeing it after coming back home on sunday....n the mobile cover is there but the mobile is not there....its like a mystery.. i dont know when did i lose it...but i am too careless.. n it was an expensive mobile ..my photos n everything there in memory card.

Just wish a miracle happens.. n i get my mobile back.
I have already put an FIR with the police station.
Wish i just get it back...wish some angel returns it to me...plz God.

Last day and Today

Wed, 28 Oct 2009 15:45:26 GMT

Yesterday .. on my return from college...while on the bus..i saw two girls who were irritating each other by calling donkey n monkey to each other...i cudnt control my laugh on seeing them..cuz all this reminds me of my those days where i wud do similar things with my sis...i started a conversation with them n came to know they were sisters (which was obvious from wht i saw)..it was nice meeting them.
n yes yesterday..i answered in Taxation class...feeling so good abt it...got special attention from the teacher !

Today..i had a meeting in NSS CU...first NSS official meet in CU...where i was just suppose to listen to how things r organized for a function...on 1st Dec...we wud celebrate Aids Day n there wud b some award ceremony as well.
Meeting consisted of my NSS sir, one lady professor from a govt. college , one govt official...i was the only student n all others were people in higher post...so am feeling so proud and happy.
I was offered muri and bagun bhaja ( bengali's favourite supper )

Permission for Scooty parking in the CU granted !

Mon, 26 Oct 2009 16:16:23 GMT

Am happy happy happy...my request is accepted and i am granted permission to park my scooty within the campus...now i guess no more bus rides...though i ll miss them too.
People r talking to me so normally...i am not left alone here in CU ..as i was in Xaviers...here people think me to be one among them.. there..i was left out. Have I changed or R the people good out here ? I guess some changes in me n the big change in the environment as its CU now n not xaviers.
Preparing for SBI exam...just started it...keeping my fingers crossed.
Am happy today.
n yes i rem my scooty no. but still wasnt confident..so the letter of granting the permission i ll recieve tomm.

Adventure

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 12:29:14 GMT

Today on my return home from university , i was waiting for the bus from few mins.. n when it came it didnt stop.. n i ran to catch it ...n finally i climbed it !
Seems so silly to me having done that...but i wud have felt more silly to wait for a longer time to catch the next bus.

God by my side

Tue, 20 Oct 2009 13:03:49 GMT

Thank you so much God for helping me out everytime i did any mistake.

1. I dropped down one of my fee payment challan of a bank on the staircase and i didnt realize it..while climbing the stairs i saw it was lying on the stairs.. n i realized it was mine..thank God i found it.

2. One of my class mate handed me over my class 10 & 12 certificates ..just after some time...so this time again i had dropped it didnt know when....got to know when he gave me the certificate...thank you God once again for these certificates which means a lot.

3.The belt of my bag got detached while returning from college..n thanks to God once again cuz the cobbler was just 2 steps away from the place where it got detached.

Few more things to mention abt today..

I was welcomed very warmly by the NSS CU and they want me to be sort of a leader cuz i have an experience of this work....feels so good ...i just wish i can b an active volunteer out here. I got the NSS badge ...am so happy.

I had to wait for the bus on my return ..to my surprise there was a new bus which i got which was so comfortable and i enjoyed my way back home.

Just one more thing to mention abt the day...a man in library spoke with a loud voice with me on my mistake of writing the call no. of the book...but i replied back saying ' I will make sure this never happens again ' n then he cudnt say a word.

In one day i can commit so many mistakes ! God u corrected each of my mistakes... u were there everytime with me...thanks.

Diwali !

Sat, 17 Oct 2009 17:56:17 GMT

Today, i havent fought, I havent cried, I havent felt disappointed...today was a great day for me.
I enjoyed the entire day...i am happy .. first time i celebrated a festival with so much of enthusiasm.. i made the rangoli last night, lit diyas and participated in decorating the home.
I am fully satisfied ...thank u God for everything.

I broke the promise

Thu, 15 Oct 2009 17:46:40 GMT

Today, i went out with those people for eating out...i broke my promise.
Keeping things in heart n suffering so much .. n doing just the opposite..letting things just go ...just freeing it up...n flowing with the flow...the 2 nd option is always better...n i choose it.
I enjoyed this going out ...am happy.

Mon, 12 Oct 2009 17:32:48 GMT

Just cuz of my scene creation yesterday n my speaking out so much, those people got me a new expensive dress. The feelings with which they have got it i respect it but i cant accept it. I have got my set of new clothes for the festive. I didnt need it for now. I cant let them decide on spending so much for the dress which is for me..so i shld better select it on my own and i dont want this to happen next time, so i ll not accept it now.
When i need new clothes .. i ll not go for shopping.. i ll wear it instead.

My weakness - food

Sun, 11 Oct 2009 10:10:35 GMT

If ever anyone plans to take me out for food n that person just cancels it just out of any damn reason ... i cant tolerate it n this has happened innumerable times to me.
I just hate that situation n now i have decided i ll not go out for eating out ever with those people.
This might seem wrong to everyone ...but yes this is right when i think from my side...cuz i dont fancy for clothes , accessories or going out or ny damn thing in my life...for me enjoyment is eating n chatting. When i think from my view... i have simply given up all those things which people in my age do ..but i cant give up this weakness of mine.
But yes today i realized i have to work out on this even that i shld no longer have the likness for food too..God give me strength so that i leave this also in my life.

I cry n stay depressed when i have all...what abt those who dont have anything ?

Fri, 09 Oct 2009 16:00:09 GMT

God..give strength to both the daughters to face the situation u have put them in ...may i ask why have u done so ? what do u get by doing so ? I am rude i know but i cant see things happening this way ..y this shld happen ? can u ans that ? first u took away their dad n now their mother..to whom they shld look up to ? Give them lots n lots of courage to face this situation n help them to come out of it. Aunty may ur soul be at peace ...be with ur daughters n give them immense strength they need u. We went out of touch for almost 4 years...n today on hearing such news..we r in touch ..its so cruel.
God the situation u put them in .. u have to bring them out.

Confused..as where i am heading to ?

Thu, 08 Oct 2009 07:36:26 GMT

This phase is really difficult ...i am confused..i feel weak helpless ..i dont know where i am going..i am just going where forces r pushing me..am not using my brains ..i have lost the confidence to think for my own...am going into depression again

I get fed up of things very very soon

Wed, 07 Oct 2009 13:17:37 GMT

Yesterday, i visited the library first time..n today when i visited it 2nd time...i got fed up of it...its systems...thinks look good just for one day... n the next day things dont seem so attractive.
I am trying to bring back my self on tracks or may b i am going completely out of tracks....but atleast i am not sitting at home n chatting .

I was thinking abt myself...while looking out of the window of my bus....hearing the birds in the tree...they have come back home ...n i ll also go back home...i felt so depressed that time...but yes i controlled by tears that time..but yes i cant now.

Went to teach in snegam..but probably it seems to be nearing the end to my teaching there.

God guide me whereever i am leading to... i need u.